One of these days, I'm gonna get to the San Diego Comic Con. Given my relative proximity to the festivities -- only a hop, skip, and four-to-five hour drive away -- one would think that it wouldn't be that big of a deal to go. The closest I came was a few years back when I actually
was in San Diego at the same time as the convention, but I was in town for non-funnybook reasons and couldn't find the time to pop in.
The main reason is that, without fail, the San Diego Con occurs at about the same time of the year that my disposable income is at its lowest ebb and I can't really afford to go anyway. And, on top of that, this year I have some house-stuff happening at about the same time as the convention, so my schedule
really won't allow it.
That's fine, though...I think I mentioned before that being in the presence of that much comic book overkill would probably drive any love of comics right out of me.
So anyway, if you
are going, have fun, drink plenty of fluids (something
other than beer,
Ian!), and if any of you happen to find copies of
Yummy Fur #9 or
Dog Boy (Fantagraphics series) #8, I could sure use 'em.
And yes, that means no
swordfight. Sorry,
Augie!
I don't poke around much on
Newsarama...maybe once a week at most. So, when
pal Dorian pointed out that they had a preview image for
Infinite Crisis, I bade him "
load the page, good sir!" And...well, Batman and Wonder Woman look okay, I suppose, but what's up with Superman, there? Dor thinks Supes is posed so awkwardly to show off the full "S" shield, but as Kid Chris noted, who buying this series is
not going to recognize Superman? Unless, of course, they're thinking "new Jim Lee retail poster."
And so there we were, pal Dorian, Kid Chris, and I discussing Spider-Man and his new status quo of organic web-shooters (as opposed to the Ultimate version, who still have the mechanical ones). And I was thinking...what propels the webbing? Is it under a great deal of pressure in his arms, slowly building as more webbing is generated? Would that backed-up webbing feel uncomfortable, almost like the need to go to the restroom but having to hold it? If Spidey doesn't release the pressure caused by the webbing, is there...seepage? ("Peter, why are your wrists wet?") Or it there some kind of super-muscle, rapidly shoving the webbing out of Spidey's body? Because, really, that webbing usually has to go a pretty long distance, like to the tops of buildings and whatnot. Under normal circumstances, it would seem that regular humans would have trouble achieving such distances forcing semi-viscous liquidy substances out of their bodies. (Yeah, yeah, I know..."speak for yourself!")
As we were having the previous discussion, pal JP walked into the store, and I suddenly had a vision of what it must have looked like to him. You know the stereotypical scene from movies and TV shows where the point of view character walks in on a group of nerds/misfits/what have you and they're debating some kind of completely trivial topic (like, say, Spider-Man's webbing), and great mirth is had at the nerds' expense? Yeah, it was sort of like that.
But it's okay, 'cause pal JP is one of us.
Gabba gabba, we accept you.
Happy Fourth of July, where applicable.
If there's anything more indicative of the Punisher's selling power from his late-80s/early-90s heyday, it's the fact that Marvel was able to publish ten whole issues of
Punisher Armory. Essentially, it's page after page of illustrations of various weapons and equipment used by the Punisher in his war against crime:
Those caption boxes you see in that scan there are the Punisher's narration, describing the weapon, how he uses it, where he got it (usually off the body of some dead punk), random events in his day to day life...it's like reading the Punisher's weblog:
"Micro Chip was riding me the other day about how shabby my lifestyle is. [...] I said, Micro, I like my mess just fine."
Yeah, like that. Here's the first caption box from the page I have scanned above:
"I like the solidity of the old Army M-1. I trained with one alongside the M-14 and M-16. The barrel length gives great accuracy and with a little bit of work the size gives great fear. Psychology can play a big part in dealing with people who want to kill you. Often they are in the weaker position."
Imagine that being read to you in the Punisher's (presumably) gravelly, psychotic voice. Now imagine it being read to you homoerotically by a
real live gay man. Really, we need to get Dorian to audioblog that.
So there I was, poking through a copy of
Avengers #10 (Nov 1963) by Stan Lee, Don Heck, and Dick Ayers, when I came across the following panels:
Okay, so Immortus, the time-traveling super-villain, has, as part of his master scheme, placed a full-page ad on the back of newly-released comic books with the sole purpose of luring Rick Jones into his clutches.
1. Why go through the trouble of placing an ad? Why didn't he just use his time-traveling powers to, oh, I don't know, grab Jones when he was at his most off-guard...like when he was asleep or something?
And who designed that ad for him? Did Immortus paste it up himself? Did he kidnap some poor advertising company employee and force him to assemble it? "Immortus commands you, Mr. Bob Smith of American Ad Designs, Inc., to create a full-page advertisement...
of doom! Ah HA HA HA!"
2. So was Immortus sitting behind that desk all day, waiting for Jones to show up? And did Immortus have to turn away all the other kids who decided to answer the ad in person? "Hi! I'm here for my super-pow...." "You're not Jones! Go away!" "But...." "Go
away!"
Then again, Immortus might have used his time-traveling powers to determine at what exact time Jones would have arrived, and only had his "office" (or lair, or whatever) open for just that brief window of time. But if Immortus had his act together to that extent, surely he would have also seen that this plan, like all his others, would have ended with his ass being handed to him by the good guys, and he wouldn't have even bothered in the first place.
Of course, had Jones decided to fill out and mail the coupon instead, that would have put a slight delay into Immortus' plans, I'd imagine.
Also from
Avengers #10...since Immortus, in his own words, "never profanes his own hands in physical combat," he draws from the wellspring of history and brings forth warriors to fight for him. Real, historical figures from Earth's past, such as...Paul Bunyan:
Not some figure of the past who may have
inspired the legends of Paul Bunyan, but an actual
giant Paul Bunyan. Then again, maybe in the Marvel Universe, Paul Bunyan was a real person who, perhaps as a result of the type of mutation that seems to run rampant in said Marvel U., towered over his more normal sized brethren. Kinda like Giant-Man, only without the ability to alter his size.
Other characters that Immortus drags into the present include Merlin (maybe the same as Marvel Comics' other
Merlin) and Hercules (presumably not the same as the other
Hercules who would later join the Avengers).
(
EDIT: It's been noted in
the comments that these "mythical" characters' appearances have been explained by Kurt Busiek or Roger Stern or someone in later comics, retconned as Space Phantoms or something similar. Too bad...I like my "Paul Bunyan as mutant" theory. And on the Paul Bunyan theme...
Dave relates Captain America's meeting with the world's largest lumberjack.)
Also, in the final battle, Immortus apparently makes Thor's leggings disappear:
That's just plain disturbing.
